There's Still Time To Start The Future
Today I sat down with C.T. as he ate his lunch. We laughed about how a co-worker referred to me as his "dad," partly because I always seemed to show up with an extra burger or sandwich or whatever, when he didn't have money for lunch. Being the average eighteen year old boy, with too big an appetite and too little money, he always seemed to think that whatever I had an extra of, was just what he had been craving that day for lunch.
I didn’t think too much of it as I was not sure if he really caught the significance of what I had said. I’m not completely sure if I caught the significance of what I had said. A little later he came by where I was working and said, " That comment you made; it makes me very happy." "What comment?" I asked, noncommittally, pretending to be very indifferent. He looked at me seriously and said, "about a son." I nodded, as I quickly glanced down and smiled to myself. "You make me very happy," I said, meaning it, but stupidly hoping no one else would overhear.
After years of going blindly along, living for myself, I've begun to see all that I have missed out on, by not having a family of my own. I’ve never really wanted children, but why am I thinking about the virtues of parenthood now? Oh my god. God! Is that you? What are you up to?